ICU and the painful intense journey. Thought I’d talk about the difference between being on the ward and being in ICU. Firstly care is one to one with a nurse sitting directly at the end of your bed. So a lot different to a couple of blogs ago where on the ward,where there is was one nurse to about every10 patient’s. In ICU you are completely naked and covered by a sheet and nothing more. They need access to your body incase things take a turn for the worst. Out of the 3 times I have been in ICU I remember 2 of them but really one of them with some clarity. You think on the ward the beeping machine’s drive you crazy and really after the first 9 days of my last stint in ICU I honestly knew nothing other then bizzare dreams and a bright yellow light which I kept seeing. The last 4 days in ICU I fully remember and looking back now
the 4 hardest days of my life. I don’t know what to compare it to, the most terrifying experience that I have ever had in my life. The beeping in an ICU environment is constant, life support machine’s running,oxygen masks running, people moaning and talking in there sleep. Doctors and specialists walking around in big groups from patient to patient. When they first brought me out of my induced coma for some reason I thought there was a jumping castle in the room it was weird. I didn’t know where my head was at, it took a while for them to drum into me where I was actually at, and once I realized my terror set in. They would roll you from side to side to try and prevent bed sores and if there was not 2 nurse’s available the orderly’s would turn you. I’ll never forget them coming in to turn me I had not long before that had a sponge bath and the sheet was left pulled off me so I could dry. So as I layed there the two men came in I was lying on my stomach stark naked. The first comment I heard was least this a young one this is better to look at. I was shocked but I had a breathing tube in and was unable to respond, then they stood over me discussing my tattoo on my back it was humiliating and made me very scared. To follow on that night there was a patient that was stabbed across from me and the the police came in to speak to him or his family and overhearing this conversation gave me the worst anxiety I have ever experienced. And not long after this I was woken by a older man moaning but it was not a moaning in pain he was actually masturbating his wife was screaming “What are you doing” he was trying to grab nurse’s he’s wife was sobbing. They brought me earplugs whilst they tried to calm him down I remember watching them tie him down so he would stop. Then a few hours after that incident my nurse put a bed pan underneath me and forgot it was there, I was lying on it for hours with no way of communicating because of my breathing tube, it wasn’t until the nurse beside me noticed I was crying. She brought over a white board and I told her and she immediately called a nurse they turned me and remove it. But by the next day my bum was completely black from the pressure of laying on that friggin bed pan. Only 2 people were allowed in at a time apparently there was no limit in the first 8 days because they were so sure I was going to die. I would get so frustrated I wanted to communicate and tell them how much pain I was in but couldn’t do anything but blink and blink I did I think if there was a blink equivalent to flipping the bird that’s what I was blinking over and over. One other very vivid memory that has stayed with me that kept happening over and over was there was a really long rope and I was standing at one end of the rope in the brightest white yellow light and then at the other end of the rope stood people from my family, they were calling to me and it was like they wanted me to grab the rope so they could pull me over I kept say I can’t do it it’s to far. This replayed over and over and I honestly believe I was conflicted about what I wanted to do cause I knew if I were to leave my body I had no fear I was just going somewhere else. My kids kept popping into my head so I stayed but I’m sure I was given that choice. Enough Blogging for tonight. Enjoy this festive season!!