Hospitalization, there’s something that happens pretty much regularly each year,
stints were I won’t go in for a while, then times where you are endlessly in and out.Let’s take this year for an example unsure if it’s 8 or 9 times and could not tell you in this life time how many nights I’ve spent in hospital and honestly wouldn’t want to know. Hospital turns me into a person I don’t like and in all honesty a person that says Fuck a lot. This is were your frustration levels hit there peek,add in the very little sleep the constant beeping the moaning the food that I wouldn’t even give to my dogs. The visiting hours were your children’s eyes well up with tears cause there told to leave, what really gets to me is when I’m in a private room and some nurse’s still insist that the kids leave. It’s Heartbreaking then you spend the next few hours on the phone trying to settle them down while the whole time they ask over and over when are you coming home. All you can say is hopefully soon which is always followed with how many sleep’s?? Then you get off the phone and the Guilt sets in and instead of getting those 2 hours of sleep you get none. The other phone calls I get are the dibber dobber ones where the kids expect me to sort out there arguments from my hospital bed now those phone calls do my head in, or Mum can I go to,or do this on such and such day,orchestrating after-school activities,sports, playdates and what ever pops up can be a challenge. Asking more of my parents when there already doing so much and some days not coming into the hospital not once but twice. In a lot of ways I’m blessed to have the support from family and friends and to any of you that may ever read any of my blogs l sincerely greatly appreciate everything you do!!!! Doctor’s this is where I may get on a rant. I will firstly say we as Australians are blessed to have the medical system that we have and sure there are floors in the system but all you need to do is visit several other countries to know we are very lucky to be born here in Australia. I would not be sitting here blogging right now if I had of been born in a third world country, nor would I have been diagnosed. But pain is one of the hardest medical conditions to treat. It comes in so many different forms and nerve pain is one of the hardest to combat. There is an arrogance that comes with many Doctors Not All but I have certainly encountered a lot of specialists that have tried different treatments and when they don’t work. As devastating as this can be,when you’re this many years in you are not expecting for the pain to be gone. But It can be turned around if treatment doesn’t work and Depression is a common suggestion. I’ve delt with that black hole many years ago and sure there are days when I get depressed I’ve had my fair share of therapy. With Pain depression comes after the symptoms!! If the symptoms are untreated you are left with the pain and the depression but as you can do very little for the pain the depression is something you can combat I did. This is not to say I don’t ever get depressed but once you learn to recognise depressive thoughts there are many tools to allow you to deal with it. I often allow my self an hour at most now if ever needed to curse feel sad and sorry for myself sometimes have a good cry. Then I remind myself of all the precious things I have to be grateful for. If my Beautiful children hadn’t come along I would have happily checked out the last stint in icu and said see you guys there. This blog is turning into a monster blog with so much more I wanna say so Thanks if you made to the end of this one I’ll continue my rant in the blogs ahead. But please if you are a pain sufferer and depression has a hold of you to go to a doctor meet with a therapist,you may have to meet a few until you gel with the right one but you have pain to deal with you don’t need to deal with depression too.Look after you for there’s only one You!!