Frustration

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Thought I’d talk abit about the frustration that goes hand in hand with Chronic Pain and get back to my journey in following blogs. To look at someone like me especially now that I have no walking frame or electric scooter I look like the average JoBlow. I don’t look disabled nor do I look like I have any disabilitys. I put on my face for the day as do many other pain suffer’s, we sit near each other at appointments smile and politely chat Yet we are all in our private hell. Each of us young or old have dreams and aspirations a bucket list of things that now are just simply unacheivable. Don’t get me wrong I still achieve many things but each and everyone of those tasks are all with my children being my driving force. For example Christmas to a parent in pain can be a very hard thing,add in having a child that was born late November  (birthday party)and kids that love Halloween. They are all events that I don’t want to miss out on. So by mid October I am mentally preparing myself. “Ok I just have to get though Halloween the long walking around the streets you push and walk that extra block because the kids are running off ahead with not a care in the world, all the while you are wanting to collapse. Family and Friends ask if your ok and of course the answer will be yes you keep on that mask of makeup and a smile but seriously you can’t wait for the walking to end. You get home have your usual tasks of preparing the kids for school then collapse but you know in the morning your seriously going to suffer. Morning’s are seriously the toughest time of my day. Don’t know if it’s  because of not moving so much or my body goes into dream land where I forget my pain but when I wake up it hits me for a six. I hate the mornings with a passion makes my memories of my childhood that much more special though, remembering bounding out of bed jumping around in a body that could play, cartwheel and be a free spirit seems like so long ago.
Things become embarrassing at times I dread friends or family getting anything out of the fridge the thing is filthy but I just can not physically clean it. The bath that’s a task were I just mop it out throw a kettle of boiling water around it and that’s my clean. My floors are not regularly mopped, I go through a lot of baby wipes I throw a handful of them on the ground and walk around and wipe all the dirty spots with my foot. One thing that really frustrates me especially in summer is doing a load of washing but the task of hanging it out is far to hard, all the bigger things I try to hang but the rest goes in the dryer,so I do it of a night time so I don’t feel so guilty that the sun’s out and the dryer is on, big power bills though. There’s much much more frustrations I could go on about but this is my Blog for today. 14 days till Christmas I’ve gotta get my arse into gear!! Enjoy the Christmas season all🎄🌲🎄🌲

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